Repent!
January 6th, 2006
I’m really taken by this card that was slipped under my door yesterday. Somehow, the sweetness of those doves offsets the fury of the message. It makes you feel like repenting won’t be all that painful or embarrassing. I’d like the card even more if they’d eliminate the “Jesus Is Coming Back Soon!” and the “Jesus Loves You: Matt 3:2”—it just gets in the way. Keep it simple, folks!
It’s kind of like that Pixies song, “Caribou.” Sure, Frank Black is screaming for me to repent, but he’s also sweetly crooning “caribooooouuu…”
What on earth would I repent about? I honestly think I’ve led a fairly moral life. I’ve met a lot of huge dicks in my life, and I’m not one of them.
Of course, I don’t accept Jesus as my personal savior or anything but you’d have to be a nut or Southern to do anything like that. If you were born in the Northeast and went to college and aren’t agnostic, you’re kind of weird in my book.
Still, if I ever get a tattoo, I’m definitely going to consider an image of a flying dove with the word Repent! written across its belly.
January 8th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
Mitch- I like the “Jesus is coming back soon!” part- it adds to the urgeny and kind of reminds me of mom screaming in my ear to clean my room.
January 10th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
In our neighborhood, Mitch, I keep seeing this one car (I hope it’s only one car) with the following bumper sticker:
“If you don’t believe in hell, you’d better be right!”
It is adorned with flames.
Here is my problem with it. Faith, as I understand it, is not one of these wishy washy “I am pretty sure” kind of things. The whole idea is that you really believe it fully and truly. Something about the phrasing of this bumper sticker makes it all sound like an argument over who wrote the Magnum, P.I. theme song. Shouldn’t the faithful person instead be saying, “Hell exists. If you don’t believe in it, I urge you to reconsider.” Not catchy, and not funny, I know.
Of course, this is all a joke, so why am I getting all finicky about it? Well, I might answer that if the person who bought the bumper sticker is truly faithful, shouldn’t jokes on the topic be sort of off-limits? I know I am being silly to get all worked up about this. But this is what happens as I walk past the Popeyes on my way home.
January 10th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
It’s also a weird argument to make because, in my mind, it tacitly accepts the notion that hell is kind of preposterous—like, “hey, sure, there probably is no hell, but think of the consequences if you’re wrong!”
It’s like someone who has to touch a doorknob five times before going outside or “something bad” will happen—its better just to do it than to question its validity.
January 13th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
Well put. I think that I will create the following bumper sticker and paste it over the top of the offending sticker in question:
“I think that the concept of hell is ludicrous, but it’s safer for me to give it lip service and look like a brainless ninny than to end up with my tushie barbecued.”
Wait a second! Something else problematic about this sticker just occurred to me. Does one’s belief in hell have any bearing whatever upon one’s likelihood of ending up in hell? Is there some sort of clause in the bible that says “If you don’t believe in hell, you will end up in hell”? What if I believe in everything about Christianity except hell? What if I am a wonderful person? I guess I should have gone to Sunday School. Then I wouldn’t have all these silly questions.