A couple of days ago, I made mayonnaise.

That’s not a euphemism—I literally made mayonnaise. I was bored and I thought, “what can I do today” and “make mayonnaise” was the first thing that sprung to mind. This is what happens when you don’t have a full-time job.

It’s a strange thing to make—mayonnaise. Firstly, because no one does it—you can buy it in a jar for cheap and it’s perfectly delicious. And secondly because of the strange alchemy at work in mayonnaise production—turning a series of wet ingredients into a solid. You think, “holy crap, it’s mayonnaise” when you see it start to form. Basically, it involves whipping a thin stream of oil into a little egg and egg yolk. There is also salt, lemon juice and mustard. It’s easy if you own a food processor. I own a food processor.

Here is what my mayonnaise looked like:

How did it taste?

Like Hellmann’s Mayonnaise. Maybe a bit fresher-tasting. A bit creamier, I suppose. Maybe I could have thrown in a touch of sugar to give it that extra something. But, ultimately, it was very tasty. And remember—as the Buddhists will tell you—it’s the journey that’s important, not the destination. I had fun making my mayonnaise—living in the “now” and making my mayonnaise.

And then I made a very delicious potato salad from the mayo.

It looked like this:

Actually, it still looks like this because it’s sitting in my fridge right now. I used the recipe from The Joy of Cooking and added halved cherry tomatoes. I also added fresh dill because, for some reason the Joy of Cooking recipe didn’t included fresh dill which makes me think that the Joy of Cooking editors are psychopaths.

It seems as though I’m constantly shaving.

I may grow another beard when Summer ends.

Look for pictures.

That’s what I’ve been thinking for the past two days. I’ve also been concentrating on a pain in my left ear that hasn’t gone away, even after a doctor removed a big ball of wax.

The lyrics to the Sea Breeze jingle were, “beautiful skin can be a breeze with Sea Breeze.” If you stripped away the cheesy 80s production the melody is pure Bosa Nova. In fact, if you eliminate the last note (which resolves the melody in a overly-cutesy way), the “Sea Breeze” jingle begins to sound a lot like an Antonio Carlos Jobim composition (with its sophisticated chromatic run on the “be a breeze with” part).

So, good going, to whoever wrote that jingle.

I don’t know what I’m going to do for the next Sexual intercourse: American Style. The story has to revolve around the character of Tom, played by the talented Matthieu Cornillon. Any ideas?