Walk in any 20-block radius from where I live in Brooklyn and you will stumble upon 3 or 4 enormous turn-of-the-century theaters that have either been completely abandoned or converted into a church. It’s a weird experience, like walking through the ruins of some ancient civilization, or like coming upon the wreckage of the Statue of Liberty on the beach and realizing your ape-planet is actually Earth. Rome is like this.

The most staggeringly impressive of these theaters—and the one furthest away from me—is the Loew’s Kings Theater on Flatbush Ave. It really is mind-boggling. And there are a number of old theaters on that block that are nearly as impressive.

Looking at the interior shots of the Lowes Kings, I’m curious about what lies beyond the doors of this Greek-extravaganza of a theater near me on Easter Parkway:

The picture doesn’t do it justice—this place is enormous. And the weirdo “Greek” ceramic ornament is amazing.

If you walk down Bedford Avenue near Eastern Parkway you see a number of “repurposed” theaters.

Look at this one! The style of a building like this makes me think that it may have been built (unlike the Lowes) before the advent of movies. What played there? Vaudeville? Light Opera? Ibsen? Who knows?

Anyway, here’s a similarly fantastic theater a little bit further down on Bedford Avenue:

Most of these theaters were in operation until the early 70s when white people decided that they were terrified of black people moving in, so they skipped town. If white people hadn’t been such nervous nellys we’d have some amazing theaters in our neighborhood. White people!

Speaking of white people, it feels as though my neighborhood is going through a very rapid gentrification process that will eventually leave me priced out. I wish I had a job that paid more. White people!